Hollywood Bound

HI I LOVE YOU

So I rarely do long text posts, but I can’t sleep so I need to.

I used to have nightmares as a kid. All the time, every night. I would wake up screaming but I would be too scared to leave my room so I would lie there and bury my head in my blankets. I used to have massive amounts of stuffed animals so I would carefully place them all around me to protect me from the bad dreams; and it worked for a while. The dreams stopped around age ten, came back around thirteen, stopped again after only a few months. They’re back again- have been for a few weeks now. Typically , whatever issues I’m dealing with in real life appear in my dreams- but it’s like the worst possible scenario of this problem. So if I am worried about a test, I’ll dream I failed it. Except I would be fine with a dream as simple as that. Mine are much worse.

I’m so scared. All the time. Scared of the future. Scared of failure. Scared that I’m not talented enough to do what I want to do. And now scared of him.

He was a guy I used to be sort of friends with. He’s that guy who is a total pervert but you put up with him anyway cause you like the attention. But now I can barely stand to look at him. He trapped me in his car the other day, stole my phone so I couldn’t get help, sexually harrassed me, and then tried to get me to kiss him before he would drive me to where I needed to get. Then after he finally started to drive me he called me a fucking whore, and a bitch the whole way there. He makes me feel like I’m a prosititute, especially because he has a girlfriend. So I didn’t talk to him all week, but he continued to harrass me at practice. So I told our director, and now he has been texting me, and trying to talk to me. I’ve been ignoring him, and I’m usually with my friends when he’s around so it’s not that bad. But we’re heading off to a drama festival next weekend for three days, and he’ll be there. I talked to my best friends about it and we’re all worried he’s going to try something- and I know I won’t be able to stop it. So I have nightmares about that.

It’s times like these when all I want is a guy who loves me to lay down with me in my bed and hold me until I fall asleep. And be there again when I wake up from the nightmares.